Should I talk to my teen like an adult?

What respectful communication really looks like with your growing child

A parent asked this recently, and it’s a question that lingers long after it’s asked: “Should I talk to my teen like an adult?”

At first glance, it seems simple. But beneath it is something much more layered: How do I talk to my teen in a way that earns demonstrates respect, holds my ground, and still feels like connection?

Here’s the thing. Teenagers aren’t adults—but they’re also no longer children. They’re in the messy, beautiful in-between. And in that in-between, one of the most powerful things we can offer them is to see them.

That doesn’t mean handing over all the decision-making. It doesn’t mean pretending they have the emotional regulation or life experience of an adult. But it does mean validating their thoughts and emotions as real and important. It means empathy over correction, curiosity over control, and inviting dialogue over issuing demands.

When a teen feels seen, when their parent reflects back understanding and respect, something shifts. That flicker of defensiveness softens. They lean in instead of pulling away. Because beneath the sarcasm, the silence, the eye-rolls, is a question they’re always asking: Do you actually see me? Or are you just trying to manage me?

And here’s the nuance: sometimes a teen’s demand or request might ignore the needs of others. That’s when they need us to parent—to step in with limits, with clarity, with calm strength. But often, what they’re asking for—whether it’s more autonomy, to be trusted, or just to be heard—isn’t about control. It’s about identity. It’s about practicing being the adult they hope to become. And that’s when they need empathy, not authority.

The challenge is knowing which is which. And the answer often comes down to asking: Is this moment about their need for power—or their need to feel seen?

Here are three ways to respond with presence and respect:

🔹 Use curiosity: Try “What’s going on for you right now?” or “Help me understand why that matters to you.”

🔹 Name what you see: “You seem frustrated, and I’d probably feel the same if I were in your shoes.”

🔹 Be honest and kind: “I’m the adult here, and I need to make a call on this—but I want to hear what you think.”

These conversations won’t always be smooth. But when we step into them with empathy and presence, we send a powerful message: I see you. I care. And I’m here.

That’s what teens are looking for. Not control. Not perfection. Just someone who’s willing to meet them where they are—and walk with them from there.

Keep being amazing. Your presence matters more than you know.

Tamar Sloan

Psychologist | Parent Coach